I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
