I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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