I haven't been this sober since birth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
