around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
