the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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