You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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