I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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