I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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