how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
