you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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