I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
