My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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