you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
