All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
