Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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