my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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