Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So much rum. So many feels.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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