So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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