I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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