The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
