woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He passed out mid-signature
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
