Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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