So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
