Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
