I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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