Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
only you would photoshop your dick
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
