i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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