i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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