Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
