She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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