and my herpes radar will keep us safe
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
50% drunk capacity currently
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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