You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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