I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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