SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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