so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
