I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
