the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
