Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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