The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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