He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize