Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
