my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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