Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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