Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
