i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
