We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
