my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
