dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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