Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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