You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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