it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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