You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
