I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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