Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
