Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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