when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
